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This is the not angry version
Apr. 24th, 2010 01:08 pmThere are lots of things that make me angry.
Lately I've been studying and despite the 'oh god how can I remember this stuff??', I actually feel really good doing so. My brain feels active, and not at all like the lump of fatty meat it has been for the past 19 years. The \o/ from scoring well in a test is so much better than the \o/ from just passing, because with the latter, there's always a niggling feeling in the back of my head that maybe next time I won't pass.
So when I'm confronted with people who fail some thing 3 fucking times in a row, and are still not doing jack shit about it, still gaming and not learning this shit until right before the test that they fail again, rage starts.
And the hardest thing to accept is that half of that rage is directed at myself. I may not be nearly as fucking bad, but sometimes I shoot myself in the foot because I fuck off too much. Why do I insist on wallowing in mediocrity when I feel so much better when I don't?
Things to possibly do in my spare time
- look at Java compiler output (maybe C as well since we're using that so much...)
- look at Firefox code * A*
- write up a homunculus AI for RO because sigh Rampage doesn't work on my client, and the old MirAI needs work.
Lately I've been studying and despite the 'oh god how can I remember this stuff??', I actually feel really good doing so. My brain feels active, and not at all like the lump of fatty meat it has been for the past 19 years. The \o/ from scoring well in a test is so much better than the \o/ from just passing, because with the latter, there's always a niggling feeling in the back of my head that maybe next time I won't pass.
So when I'm confronted with people who fail some thing 3 fucking times in a row, and are still not doing jack shit about it, still gaming and not learning this shit until right before the test that they fail again, rage starts.
And the hardest thing to accept is that half of that rage is directed at myself. I may not be nearly as fucking bad, but sometimes I shoot myself in the foot because I fuck off too much. Why do I insist on wallowing in mediocrity when I feel so much better when I don't?
Things to possibly do in my spare time
- look at Java compiler output (maybe C as well since we're using that so much...)
- look at Firefox code * A*
- write up a homunculus AI for RO because sigh Rampage doesn't work on my client, and the old MirAI needs work.