I am tanked on hot chocolate and coffee despite not usually drinking either, and it took me about 1.5 hours to get home, which gave me plenty of time to think. I guess it doesn't really help that I was reading a health thing that basically says I need to exercise more (the rest of the stuff I already do so...), which is totally true.

So I was thinking.

I've always said that one of my horrendous weaknesses is that I'm really bad at organising my time in real life. I take a lot longer to do things that shouldn't take very long at all because I spend a lot of time putzing around and being generally inefficient about what I do. (Of course this post itself is a little ironic because I'm doing this instead of going out and doing the things I need to do...)

But anyone who's seen me play turn based JRPGs knows I am damn good at what I do, and I take minimal time to complete these games with minimal grinding. Basically, I'm really efficient at turn based RPGs! So... why shouldn't I apply the same efficiency I put into video games into my real life? There's no reason not to. A lot of the same principles apply. Planning ahead, doing things early for greater payback later, reshuffling plans if something comes up... this is something I live and breathe in video games.

Come on, me. Let's put all those hours I sunk into video games and apply them to life.

This was initially going to be a longer post, but I realised that my point was getting lost in a lot of irrelevant tl;dr. The thing about holidays is that I have a lot of free time to think.

A lot of us have things that we want to be good at. Many of us will expend a lot of effort towards getting better at our thing of choice. For me, that thing is RPing and playing a healer in WoW. Like a lot of people who work at improving their skills, I spend a lot of time on it. When I RP, I not only spend a lot of time analysing my characters, but a lot of time reflecting on what I had done so far, thinking about what I did well, what I didn't, and how I can improve for the future. When I play WoW, not only do I spend a lot of time reading class information and tips on how to heal better, I also spend time reflecting every dungeon jaunt I embark on, thinking about what I did well, what I didn't, and how I can improve for the future. If you compare my skills from the past to how I am now, you can see that my skills in both have improved by leaps and bounds because of this effort.

However, most of us don't put this kind of effort in improving our lives.

Why? Because we don't have time to reflect on our own actions? Our own character? Is it because it's easy to fall into a cycle of self-depreciation that really gets us down?

But is it a good idea to put minimal effort into something that affects... well, everything we do? Our enjoyment of life, to our success in our chosen path. It's a fact of today that we're going to be interacting with people, some more pleasant than others. You can't avoid it. You can't control other peoples' actions, but you can control yours, and that's actually the biggest factor in whether you come out of an encounter feeling good, feeling ok, or feeling bad. So why not take the time to reflect on how well an encounter went, what could have been handled better, and what to keep in mind for the future?

I'll leave it at that, and go into my own self-reflection another time.

( Goals for 2011 )

One day, [the teacher] brought a plaster model of a man's head into out classroom. The surface of the model was as smooth as porcelain. [...] 'Raise your hand if you think the surface of the model is rough?'

What a stupid question, we all thought. It was obvious the surface was smooth. Nobody raised a hand.

'Now, raise your hand if you think the model has a smooth surface.'

Everyone raised their hands.

'I think you are all wrong or at best, you are only half right. I want you to look at it more closely and then tell me your answers.'

This time there was a magnifying glass beside the model. We looked through it and were surprised to discover millions of tiny holes on the smooth surface of the head.

- Li Cunxin, Mao's Last Dancer

--

I look back on my old self in this life and can't help but think I've come a long way. I still have many, many flaws, but not as many as I used to. And some flaws, some cracks in my diamond have become less deep, perhaps. Many things shaped this change. My family situation and family, my friends, the people I meet but once or twice, my mum especially. I've had nothing but wonderful teachers, and I love you all for it.

Of course, teachers can do nothing, if the student is unwilling to learn.

The one newspaper article that I remember and forget with the wind possibly has had one of the greatest pieces of advice to understand and apply when it comes to self improvement. I can't remember the exact words now, but it went something along the lines of this:

Most of the time, the things other people do that annoy or anger you will be things that you do yourself.

( Cut for some personal reflection )