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tenshinoakuma) wrote2009-08-04 03:59 pm
tenshinoakuma) wrote2009-08-04 03:59 pm
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I can't help but notice that the best pieces of writing I've ever done are the wistful, melancholy drabbles, or the logically crazy one-shots. It's a little strange, because they say you write what you know best, but I've hardly experiened the loss that comes through the sad pieces. But what's... vaguely frightening is the ease in which the crazy -- most often associated with death -- comes through.
I can't say that these are simply things that Joshua thinks and considers, and not a part of myself, because they are. It's not too uncommon for me to be walking along and idly considering what it feels like to be in a major car accident, or what it'd feel like shooting myself in the head, or what it feels like to hit the ground after jumping from a tall buliding, or what it feels like to strangle someone.
I'll never consider doing these.
I don't view these as a possible escape; I have nothing I want to escape from. They are just idle curiosities. But it's a little frightening knowing that, in the back of my mind, while I break a stick while waiting for a bus, I wonder if people break the same way.
--
That one words and questions meme, answering my CLAMP soulmate
Words:
(ninja) topping
is the reason why KB is always on the bottom.
reflections
I possibly don't self-reflect enough, and there are many little reminders all around me to do it. Whether it's the reflection from a glass cabinet, or a window, or the mirror, or a puddle as I look down at my feet. Little things, where I realise after I've made a mistake that I actually have made a mistake. Little personal faults that I need to correct.
Some people believe they don't have faults. I think they just haven't seen them.
zen
The idea of zen is difficult to put into words, but I think the best image available of zen is really the zen garden. I don't know what the actual definition of zen is, but to me, it's that kind of serenity you can only really achieve with utter peace of mind. It takes a lot of love and a lot of discipline and dedication to tend to a zen garden (at least, in my imagination), but a zen garden truly isn't perfect until a tree as the centerpiece sheds some leaves. And the leaves lay on top, and the garden underneath is undisturbed.
art
Ho boy. I had a huge mental rant about this some time ago in my head. The details are lost now, and to be honest it can be summed up with this:
Art is an expression of ideas. Art is an expression of ideas that inspire others.
world
It's beautiful. There are so many good things in the world, and they will always, always, outweigh the bad.
And questions!
1. What do you normally eat/like to eat?
Nooormally I'll eat whatever mum makes me hahaha. Sadly I'm not very good when it comes to food and cooking (as you know), so that's how it is, until I learn how to cook something more than instant mee goreng. Even sandwiches can be difficult :| As for likes, see Fushi's question xD
2. If you had a chance to go anywhere for a month with all expenses paid, where would it be?
Shibuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Although parts of Europe like England and France are valid as well. But mainly Tokyo, Japan, for obvious TWEWY and DeSu reasons. A lot of my writing is coloured by the fact I've been in Western Australia for most of my life, and I'd really like to get that extra authenticity and genuine-ness in my fanfiction.
3.Ambition?
I'm not particularly ambitious, which is one of my bigger downfalls. I'm a little like Joshua and need a goal that I'm willing to work towards to achieve any results. But unlike him, I don't have one, so I kind of end up drifting, starting things, but never really going through with them. My lack of ambition also inhibits my growth. Many, many people say that I'm smart and that I have a lot of potential. And I can see that as well! But the difficulty lies in breaking past that barrier that I put around my potential.
4. What's your strategy in gaming in general?
Mostly applicable to RPGs, but I generally tend to take the extreme ends of the scale. Either extreme damage, or extreme defence, depending on the game and the situation. Generally jack-of-all-trading in RPGs doesn't work out very well from my point of view (doesn't kill things fast enough, takes too much damage, good at nothing), so I try to skew my characters in a certain direction, depending on the manner in which stats work. Agility, no matter the build, tends to always be a secondary stat or worse. When I'm in a bad situation, though, my thought processes almost always tend to fall back on, "How can I reduce the negative impact?" which usually results in massive defence spam.
In short, these days I go for high damage, low defence (partially due to the way games are designed now), but in times of trouble, I will almost always fall back on turtling my way to victory.
5. Your biggest challenge in art?
Oh boy, where do I even start?
The biggest challenge? Is the fact I'll always, always compare my art to someone elses'. It kind of ties in to the old self-esteem issue that I still have at times. The whole, comparing my art to someone elses' really comes out strongly in my drawn art, where I haven't reeeaaaaally put in the time and effort to bring it up to a satisfactory level.
It's especially apparent in my fanart, where I'll constantly compare my art to official art (which is often very pretty and/or stylised). And with fanart, I have this additional feeling that my art should look like official art, which is in fact bullshit, because that's how my art ends up looking stilted and unnatural, and only really demonstrates my ability to copy someone else's style, rather than improve my own art. I guess part of the reason it's so hard to separate myself from the comparisons to better artists is because that's how I learnt: by copying better artists. And, as with many imitations, they're just not quite as good as the real thing.
I've only recently been able to let go of that a little and actually feel a bit better about drawing or writing in my own style. However, I'm much more comfortable about my writing than I am with my art, probably because I've settled into a 'my style' for writing, but not yet for art. That, and probably the fact I've spent more time refining my writing over my art.
I can't say that these are simply things that Joshua thinks and considers, and not a part of myself, because they are. It's not too uncommon for me to be walking along and idly considering what it feels like to be in a major car accident, or what it'd feel like shooting myself in the head, or what it feels like to hit the ground after jumping from a tall buliding, or what it feels like to strangle someone.
I'll never consider doing these.
I don't view these as a possible escape; I have nothing I want to escape from. They are just idle curiosities. But it's a little frightening knowing that, in the back of my mind, while I break a stick while waiting for a bus, I wonder if people break the same way.
--
That one words and questions meme, answering my CLAMP soulmate
Words:
(ninja) topping
is the reason why KB is always on the bottom.
reflections
I possibly don't self-reflect enough, and there are many little reminders all around me to do it. Whether it's the reflection from a glass cabinet, or a window, or the mirror, or a puddle as I look down at my feet. Little things, where I realise after I've made a mistake that I actually have made a mistake. Little personal faults that I need to correct.
Some people believe they don't have faults. I think they just haven't seen them.
zen
The idea of zen is difficult to put into words, but I think the best image available of zen is really the zen garden. I don't know what the actual definition of zen is, but to me, it's that kind of serenity you can only really achieve with utter peace of mind. It takes a lot of love and a lot of discipline and dedication to tend to a zen garden (at least, in my imagination), but a zen garden truly isn't perfect until a tree as the centerpiece sheds some leaves. And the leaves lay on top, and the garden underneath is undisturbed.
art
Ho boy. I had a huge mental rant about this some time ago in my head. The details are lost now, and to be honest it can be summed up with this:
Art is an expression of ideas. Art is an expression of ideas that inspire others.
world
It's beautiful. There are so many good things in the world, and they will always, always, outweigh the bad.
And questions!
1. What do you normally eat/like to eat?
Nooormally I'll eat whatever mum makes me hahaha. Sadly I'm not very good when it comes to food and cooking (as you know), so that's how it is, until I learn how to cook something more than instant mee goreng. Even sandwiches can be difficult :| As for likes, see Fushi's question xD
2. If you had a chance to go anywhere for a month with all expenses paid, where would it be?
Shibuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Although parts of Europe like England and France are valid as well. But mainly Tokyo, Japan, for obvious TWEWY and DeSu reasons. A lot of my writing is coloured by the fact I've been in Western Australia for most of my life, and I'd really like to get that extra authenticity and genuine-ness in my fanfiction.
3.Ambition?
I'm not particularly ambitious, which is one of my bigger downfalls. I'm a little like Joshua and need a goal that I'm willing to work towards to achieve any results. But unlike him, I don't have one, so I kind of end up drifting, starting things, but never really going through with them. My lack of ambition also inhibits my growth. Many, many people say that I'm smart and that I have a lot of potential. And I can see that as well! But the difficulty lies in breaking past that barrier that I put around my potential.
4. What's your strategy in gaming in general?
Mostly applicable to RPGs, but I generally tend to take the extreme ends of the scale. Either extreme damage, or extreme defence, depending on the game and the situation. Generally jack-of-all-trading in RPGs doesn't work out very well from my point of view (doesn't kill things fast enough, takes too much damage, good at nothing), so I try to skew my characters in a certain direction, depending on the manner in which stats work. Agility, no matter the build, tends to always be a secondary stat or worse. When I'm in a bad situation, though, my thought processes almost always tend to fall back on, "How can I reduce the negative impact?" which usually results in massive defence spam.
In short, these days I go for high damage, low defence (partially due to the way games are designed now), but in times of trouble, I will almost always fall back on turtling my way to victory.
5. Your biggest challenge in art?
Oh boy, where do I even start?
The biggest challenge? Is the fact I'll always, always compare my art to someone elses'. It kind of ties in to the old self-esteem issue that I still have at times. The whole, comparing my art to someone elses' really comes out strongly in my drawn art, where I haven't reeeaaaaally put in the time and effort to bring it up to a satisfactory level.
It's especially apparent in my fanart, where I'll constantly compare my art to official art (which is often very pretty and/or stylised). And with fanart, I have this additional feeling that my art should look like official art, which is in fact bullshit, because that's how my art ends up looking stilted and unnatural, and only really demonstrates my ability to copy someone else's style, rather than improve my own art. I guess part of the reason it's so hard to separate myself from the comparisons to better artists is because that's how I learnt: by copying better artists. And, as with many imitations, they're just not quite as good as the real thing.
I've only recently been able to let go of that a little and actually feel a bit better about drawing or writing in my own style. However, I'm much more comfortable about my writing than I am with my art, probably because I've settled into a 'my style' for writing, but not yet for art. That, and probably the fact I've spent more time refining my writing over my art.